12 tips on starting off a new relationship

  • By Team TDO

Relationships! The word sounds easy enough but can take a lifetime to learn the art of forming robust & healthy relationships. Here, by relationship, we mean romantic relationships - ties of the heart and all that sort of thing. So if you are on the brink of someone new in your life, then there are dozens of things that you could do to ensure that you form "ties that bind for a lifetime."

  1. Don’t Offload Emotional Baggage
    Sure when it comes to that special person, we often let ourselves loose emotionally and mentally. For those who have never been in a romantic relationship, the experience of 'sharing mental space' and togetherness can be somewhat overwhelming. Therefore, you have to ensure that you don’t offload too much of your emotional baggage to your relationship. At least, not in the beginning! Eventually, your partner will learn more about you and why you do the things that you do. However, expecting her to handle your emotional baggage could get a little upsetting and might end up scaring her off. So don’t give her more than she could possibly handle.
  2. Don't Be Too Presumptuous (One Step At A Time)
    This is the time when you are just about getting to know her and her life. This is where you should tread carefully. Try and be interested in genuinely understanding what she is as a person and not just what brands she uses. Getting presumptuous about her likes and dislikes is taking her for granted and creating resentment. Some men love showing off their knowledge of fine wine and cuisines when they first start seeing someone. So don’t just rattle off the food order, ask her what she would like to have and then put in your recommendations. Likewise, just because she has gone out with you on two weekends doesn't mean a third one is there for the taking. Always ask and never presume, or you will have crashed even before you have taken off.
  3. Once Bitten Twice Shy
    For some of you this might be your second or third time around. There might have been some bitterness from your previous relationship, no matter how long back that might have been. So just because something nasty happened to you then, doesn’t mean this new lady has to bear the brunt of it. You will just be creating another disaster that way. Analyze what could have possibly gone wrong the last time around. If you are honest enough with yourself and have the strength to own up your mistakes (to yourself), then ensure that this new person is really new and not an echo from the past. Encourage her to speak about her past as that can be a catharsis and a new beginning for her as well.
  4. TheBitter Truth About Ourselves
    We all have a past and a dark side. Some people are honest enough to admit it and deal with it when in a relationship while others disguise themselves as somebody they are not and then suffer the anguish of a fake self. As the saying goes "you can fool some people some of the time, but never all the time!" Eventually, you will be unmasked, so try and be yourself and quit the pretentions. It is good to be honest about oneself and lay the cards on the table face up for the other person to decide whether you are likely to tick as a couple, or tick as a time bomb, a real disaster!
  5. Respect Space
    As you get into a new relationship, you are obviously eager to acquaint yourself with more than her mind. Yes, granted, physical intimacy is a natural extension and an important part of a relationship, but take it a step at a time. "Wow! now I know what you like to eat, now can you show me the bedroom please" is not the nicest way to go about a new relationship. Take your time, what's the hurry? The world is not likely to end tonight after the 9 pm news. The fun lies in the big moment where both of you will be absolutely comfortable with each other and enjoy your moments of great rapturous intimacy. Mind you, just because she allows you in her house doesn't give you the right to tinker about in her closet or give you a ticket to come over whenever you feel like it. Always call to ensure that it is ok to meet. Respect her personal space all the time.
  6. Don't Be Over Eager Or Too Anxious To Please
    Some people give away too much of themselves to the other person than is healthy. Sure, it is a new relationship and you feel really on top of the world- but being over anxious to make it last could be your last mistake. If you feel the need to display your affection, then by all means do, but within the bounds of reason and not at the cost of your self-esteem. There is a difference between making your girl feel special and being her page boy – to do as she bids and to be at her beck and call. Don’t be surprised if you get dumped when she loses her interest in you. You don’t have to be a door mat for anyone, just remember that.
  7. It Takes Two To Tango
    A relationship is a partnership game and it takes "two to tango". So do things for two. A one-sided relationship is really no fun at all. If you feel sidelined, then by all means, voice your concerns about what you would like to do. It will do you well to remember this too. Think from your partner's point of view and ensure that you are well in step with her. Sometimes we make plans for our life, not thinking of our partners or being oblivious to our partner’s needs. In a new relationship, sensitivity is the key which will determine the degree of success.
  8. Don't Be Blind To Reality
    A reality check is good for both people involved in a relationship. Do some soul-searching and ask yourself as to what you really seek from a new relationship. It takes time and patience to build something, so is it really worth your while and temperament or is it just to while away the hours? If you know what you want, then chances are you won’t be terribly disappointed at the outcome. For example, a man who is just getting into a relationship after a hiatus of 5 years, might want some quality time with his partner. However, if the partner wants the relationship to culminate into marriage in the first 15 minutes and make babies in the 30th, then both are right from their perspective. Sadly, they are terribly wrong for each other from a relationship point of view. So, always keep a reality check and you won't suffer for it.
  9. You Don't Have To Reveal All
    Be careful about confessions as they might come back and haunt you. In a new relationship it is good to be transparent, as said before, but only if you are sure about the person that you are seeing. Sometimes, enthusiasm can get the better of you and make you reveal things about yourself which is really not required or which can be a deadly secret in the hands of an unscrupulous person. So, get to know her first and only then reveal your mind, your habits, idiosyncrasies, or quirks you might have.
    You have just got in through the front door in your relationship, make yourself comfortable and only then reveal all.
  10. Don't Make It Obvious That You Are Doing a Background Check
    Sure people are not to be taken at face value as we all realize from time to time, but discretion is the key when you are forming a new alliance. You don’t have to be a 'Doubting Tom' and check on her every move. That is forming a relationship on a faulty premise. ‘Trust’ is the key, but if you are not the easily trusting kind, then at least make sure you don’t make that obvious, for cross-checking on your partner could land you in the soup. Discreet enquiries can help here if you have common friends, but there is no need to hire a private detective to keep a watch as that just shows you have 'trust issues'.
  11. Don't Declare All On Facebook Without Consent
    Now there are some people who can’t wait to shout off roof tops about the new person in their lives. With social networking news spreads like wildfire. So your intentions might be entirely honorable when it comes to announcing your newfound love. However, make sure she shares in that enthusiasm as well, or all "hell will break loose" and you might just have to change your relationship status as 'Single' again on your social networking accounts. Same goes towards posting photographs of your partner without her permission as she might be reluctant to announce to the world about what might just be "your" perception of a relationship.
  12. Putting The Other Person First – Don’t Just Talk About 'Me'
    Talking about 'Me' all the time will only ensure that you will spend time with 'Me,' i.e., yourself! By all means talk your heart out, but not only about yourself, your job, and your family; there are more conversations waiting to happen if only the tongue could find them! Some people are born to talk, others born to listen or suffer. Just because your girl listens to you doesn’t make her a great listener or you a great conversationalist. Maybe she is waiting for you to shut up so she can get a word in edgeways. Relationships are all about giving the other person her chance – and now is yours – let her talk!

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