10 things detrimental to a relationship

  • By Sahana Rajan

Here are ten things which could hurt the strength of your relationship :

  1. Lack of trust
    Trust is the necessary ground for the formation of any relationship. Without trust, it is impossible to believe what the other says. Trust is also the starting point to strengthen a pre-existent relationship. If you trust a person, you will share your emotional life with him/her. With the absence of trust, the association between people breaks. The first step towards forming trustworthy relationship is to be understanding and considerate towards the other. Many a times, due to past experiences, we tend to distrust others naturally. If your partner distrusts you without any strong ground for it from your side, then talk to him/her and resolve the issues gradually.

  2. Dishonesty
    The telling of one lie is the beginning of a journey of a hundred others. Hiding a fact or concealing your emotions also counts as dishonesty. Your relationship with the other should be so strong that there should be no fear. Behind every act of dishonesty lays the fear of losing the other. This fear is based on memory of past conflicts. The very act of lying presupposes that you are hiding something which could hurt the other. Question your emotions towards the other. How would the other feel when she/he comes to know about the acts later? How would you respond to it? Prioritize your acts. Transparency will allow your relationship to flourish.

  3. Jealousy and possessiveness
    Being possessive up to an extent is healthy in a relationship. However, it is very important to understand where to draw the line. As long as your possessiveness only concerns the well-being of the other and does not restrict and impose their freedom, it is healthy. However, the moment you begin to question their relationship with others (when indeed no instances occurred which could induce doubt about their intentions), then you have to realize that such a possessiveness is unhealthy and can ruin your relationship.

  4. Non-understanding attitude
    We are so caught up with our concerns that even though we intensely care about the other, we tend to forget their concerns sometimes. Every time you both are on the verge of entering an argument, question your concerns. What are you fighting about? Are you imposing your understanding of the world on the other? The best way to resolve any issue is by communication and by guidance, than by imposition of rules. You can only guide the other person to a safer and better way of living. Imposition of such a life will only be counterproductive to your intentions.

  5. Absence of communication
    As a relationship progresses, many people assume that whatever had to be known about the other has been known and the communication takes a backseat. Is this happening in your relationship? Are your spouse and you talking on a daily basis about things you both like or about different themes? Do your conversations only consist of formal routine talk? Boredom creeps in when people in a relationship stop being involved in each other's life. Take interest in the other's job and ask about it. Talk about things you both like and go out to social events where you can strengthen the emotional bond between each other.A survey revealed that over 40% of the couples believed that lack of communication has negatively impacted their relationships. Non-violent communication with honesty and consideration is critical to the health of any relationship.

  6. Excessive involvement of third person in the relationshipThe allowance of a third person, like a family member or a friend, to interfere in your relationship will only create more distrust and confusion. Try to talk to each other as much as possible about things. Calmly weigh your conversation. The need for a third party arises when there is no possibility of communication between two people. Even if you do see the need for a third person, then refer to a family counsellor or relationship advisor.

     

    Including a known person into the relationship will either lead to biased decisions and ultimately, distrust with each other which can completely break the relationship.

  7. Non-sharing of responsibilities
    Every relationship constitutes a series of responsibilities, especially marriage and live-in relationships. Are you sharing responsibilities in the household chores? Are you ensuring that the other knows you are there for him/her? If you are not an active participant in the fulfilment of the responsibilities, then chances are that the other feels you do not care about the relationship since you are not making any efforts to execute your responsibilities. The only expression of your concern for the relationship is through actions. So, make sure you act in such a manner that the other does not feel neglected.

  8. Absence of "together-time"
    Different relationships go through varying phases. However, many a times, we reach a wall where one feels that no time is being spent together. This could be because you both are working at different places and have erratic office timings or that you both do not have any common interests. The question to be asked at this point is: can we form new common interests? Do we not have any time in 7 days of the week to spend with each other? First, join a hobby class together. This will allow having a proper routine to spend time together. Secondly, plan dates and go out with each other. This could be to a music concert or any event where you both will feel involved. As long as you both are together and spend time with each other, the relationship will keep strengthening.

  9. Sexual imbalance and its non-resolution
    Does your partner have a low libido in comparison to you? Or, do you have fantasies and kinky interests which she/he does not share? It is important to be able to communicate with each other about sexual interests and find a common ground to enjoy the act. Many couples do not seek help due to embarrassment. However, such an obstruction will only complicate the matters more and hurt your relationship. If you witness that the sexual relationship you both share is breaking down, then talk about it and find ways to make it better. You can also take help from a relationship advisor for ways in which this can be done.

  10. Violent form of communication
    Even though people in relationship talk to each other, there is an element of violence in their communication. Do you both have heated arguments all the time? Is honesty only an excuse to fight? The way of communication is critical in deciding how your relationship will continue. If your partner and you shout during interactions, then it is time to evaluate the nature of conversations. Take a deep breath when the tendency to shout arises and look at the problem carefully. While it is very important to express your emotions, the form of expression is also vital. If verbal violence is not taken care of, then there are high chances that it could escalate to physical violence. Thus, it is best to seek help if you both believe that times for calm communication are bleak.

     

 

 

 

 

 

 


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