Dealing with being a single mum
- By Team TDO
Being a single woman is hard enough so one can well imagine that being a single mum could mean really hard work as well!
A single mum is a woman who is either legally divorced or is a bereaved widow or a woman who chooses to have a child without the aid of a male counterpart. A single woman can sometimes adopt a child and be technically a single mum.
Whatever type of single mum that you may be it must indeed be a difficult to raise children all by your own. Undoubtedly, a lot of women would take offense to the “without help” bit meaning without the support or aid of a man. No offense intended as we only mean without the support of close friends or family. It again depends on the number of children that the woman has and their ages which can determine her difficulty level to a large extent. A toddler and a 3 year old in tow can make things really difficult as both have varying and growing needs and it can somewhat throw the woman staggering to balance both without going completely bonkers.
Hats off to all the single mums of the world who have chosen to fight this battle all alone!
As a single mum, are you battling it out all alone? Here are a few things that single mums should mind while calling the shots all alone!
Here are a few tips for you to rely on whenever you feel burdened or feel the pressure building.
Take a realistic view of things
It is all very well to proclaim single motherhood but not everyone can really carry it off well. It all depends on a number of factors like your economic background, state of health and support system. If you have a strong support system that you can fall back on then it is quite possible to remain a single mum and enjoy every bit of it, but for those women who have nobody but themselves due to any reason then that could putting yourself and your children in jeopardy as well. So try and take a realistic view of things in terms of all the factors discussed above. It is not wrong to ask for support from friends or family who may not be fully aware of your situation. So seek help and take it if offered.
Once bitten twice shy
If you are a divorced single mum then there probably has been a lot of acrimony and mental trauma for you. These things tend to have an effect on our mental well being and unfortunately even in the way you have to adjust to your “divorced” status. Truly sometimes the tag “divorcee” sounds like you have some sort of disease doesn’t it? Which is why you have to take steps to ensure that you don’t get affected by the muck and social prejudices that society is known to show.
Remember it isn’t easy but the thought of your children will keep you going. Your children need you and all in one piece mentally and physically.
Undoubtedly some women do say that singlehood is the best thing that has happened to them in a long time and it is indeed a great thing to live life on your own terms. However, there might be a conflict in you with regards to your sex life and your need to give all for the sake of your children. That can seriously cause depression as a lot of divorced single mums may choose to go through a “No Strings Attached” (Or may be a whole string of them) relationships and then feel guilty about flouting social norms or end up chastising themselves. You are well within your rights to have whatever type of relationship that you want before you take the decision to settle down (If) again. These conflicts could affect your children especially if they are toddlers.
Do a reference check
As a working mother you worry yourself silly about whether your baby’s childcare giver is absolutely above board and sincere. Yes, we understand your anxiety about your child’s safety. Not all mothers have access to a crèche so if you are entrusting your child to someone’s care then make sure you get at least 3 good references from them. You are well within your rights to give surprise visits to ensure all is well. Have a friend pay a visit at home so that the baby sitter will be aware that they are being monitored.
Have a social network
As a single mum, your day is probably consumed in work and children related activities. Better part of your day revolves around these two things so that probably leaves you with no time to connect socially. As a single mum, you don’t have to be a recluse just because some things went wrong in your life. It’s time to pick yourself up and start once again afresh in the journey of life to make new connections or reestablish your social identity. This also comes handy if you are in any sort of trouble or need help. So be practical, be social and life can be more fun.