Improve your relationship before going in for a child

  • By Team TDO

Having a baby marks an important phase in your life. It calls for a complete reorientation of your priorities and time. But, you can face all the issues that crop up, if you have a sound understanding with your spouse. And the process of strengthening the relationship should begin, before you conceive a child.

Easier said than done? Conflicts and misunderstandings are likely to occur, through the phase of pre-pregnancy and during the pregnancy. But, it is necessary to ponder over how you plan to overcome those conflicts and misunderstandings, and how you prepare yourself to mitigate or avoid the occurrence of such issues.

The emotional quotient

You're emotionally ready to have a baby if you know you're having it for the right reasons, with the right person, at the right time, and go into it with realistic expectations of yourself, each other, and of your relationship.

The emotional demands of parenthood for each partner are enormous. Each must commit to communicating and connecting with the new baby, at all times, and be able to accept the constant demands that come along in its journey.

The expected stress

You must expect and be ready to endure feelings of stress, frustration, incompetence, vulnerability, and responsibility. Both of you require to act selflessly and responsibly, without pretending that you have done a favor to your partner.

There are expected interruptions of intimacy, obstacles to spontaneity, and limitations on your availability for each other. Be emotionally ready to face these interruptions in intimacy.

Finally, relationship experts tell us that, ideally, any unresolved issues in the relationship should be worked out before pregnancy.

Topics of give-and-take

Sit down with your partner and ask the following questions to each other.

Reason for having a baby:

  1. Family pressure?
  2. A feeling of loneliness?
  3. You love being with kids?
  4. You're afraid that your ‘biological clock is ticking’?
  5. Peer pressure?
  6. You think the society demands it from you?
  7. Mutual understanding in your relationship?
  8. Do you trust, respect, and love each other?
  9. Do you share responsibilities?
  10. Do you have mutual compatibility?


  1. Are you ready to face the changes, likely to occur after having a baby, which will affect your relationship, social life, finances and lifestyle?
  2. Do you share religious, moral, and ethical values?
  3. Do you like children?
  4. Did you enjoy your own childhood?
  5. If you were to be left alone, would you be able to cope?
  6. Do you have a wide support network?

There is no right or wrong answer. Whatever may be your answer, they will increase your awareness of your own readiness for parenthood.

For existing problems in the relationship

In case, there are problems, already prevailing in your relationship, then it is advised to sit together and try to work things out, jointly. You need to work on it now, since these existing problems may escalate during or post pregnancy. Discuss them openly and honestly, and if you are unable to work them out, consult a professional, someone trained in family therapy.

Friends and family members who have a child too can help you plan and tell you what to expect. This will ease the transition through pregnancy and into parenthood.

You must have heard many times, that having a baby binds the mother and father together. It gives a fresh start to your relation; to share and care together for the mutual reason of your happiness, your baby.