10 Myths about marriage
- By Dr. Neha Agrawal
Getting married or newly married? It is time to open your eyes to the truth and get rid of the myths that have been ingrained in your head for so long.
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." — Friedrich Nietzsche
Myth 1: Life is over after marriage
No, it isn’t, unless you decide to let it end there. Your dreams are still yours, and you can still fly high – you have just a companion. Share your dreams; don’t bind the other one and pull him/her down. If you let your spouse pursue his/her interests, they will not feel tied up and life will continue to be fun. Responsibilities do not mean you stop living the life you wanted. Love your partner; be there, offer care and support but there is no need to put yourself on the secondary.
Myth 2: If you’re fighting too much, means there is trouble in paradise
Fighting is unavoidable and natural. Experts would get worried if you say we don’t fight. It is okay to argue, to disagree, or to have conflicts. The important step is what happens when you fight – don’t say things that may cause permanent damage to your spouse. Respect each other’s emotions, and remember anger is not an excuse to be unreasonable. Also it matters what follows after the fight. Saying sorry is a small but meaningful gesture and the sincerity of the apology is the strongest glue for the rift caused by the fights. If you are fighting about the same things again and again, it is time to grow up and have a healthy conversation.
Myth 3: Once you get married, sex becomes boring
Does eating ever get boring to you? Having the same partner does not make the experience boring. It is up to you to add spice and newness to your intimacy. In fact, knowing each other well could help your sex life. Your partner knows what you like and that is always an advantage.
Myth 4: Have children to mend your ties
Never. Children are not the answer to marital conflicts. Have kids when your bond is strong, when you know you are ready and not because it is the right age. If there is trouble in your marriage, having kids will only make it worse.
Myth 5: You get bored of each other
If you keep doing the same thing every day, you will get bored no matter where you are and with whom you are. Find common interests, engage in exciting activities, do things together. It is a blessing to have a life partner who is always by your side, nourish it and cherish it.
Myth 6: Marriage vows mark the end of love
Yes, it is easy to be lovey-dovey when you don’t have to cook, clean and pay the bills. It is easy to say how much you love her/him when you meet once a week. However, when you live together and pressures start streaming from all sides, stress takes a toll. This does not mean marriage is an end to the love you shared, it only means you learn to be together, as a unit and handle the stress. Don’t stand against each other; stand together and your love will only get stronger.
Myth 7: Save it for the first night
In India, the wedding night is a big deal. Excitement and nervousness about the first intimate experience creates jitters. Don’t have too high hopes, take things as they come along, and give it time.
Myth 8: You need to have the same values and faith
Having the same values may help but it is not necessary. As mature individuals, you need to respect each other’s freedom to follow their own faith and have their values. Do not impose yours on them and do not accept impositions if they make you uncomfortable. Each one has their own personality and differences must be respected in all marriages. If you try to push your values on the other, it will only suffocate them in the long run.
Myth 9: Don’t wash your dirty linen in public, handle your own problems
We should learn to handle situations and adapt to the environment. But that is not mean we are superhumans. There might be times when the two of you are finding it hard. It is okay to seek help from a friend who understands, or see a counselor.
Myth 10: He earns, she cooks
You share the duties. There are no compulsory rules to this. It is on mutual agreement and based on one’s interests. You never know, he cooks and she earns, may also work well.
Marriage is a beginning of a new family; you and your spouse are a unit, but remember you both have your own uniqueness. The differences need to be respected, not changed. You should help each other grow.